Bartholomew Drunk
by mscreativity
Summary: Bart starts experimenting with beer. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

None of these characters are mine. Please R&R

Marge was in front of the kitchen sink, cleaning the dishes. She grunted, trying to get every piece of dirt and grease off of the frying pan she was working on. "Hmph, I knew we should've bought that cooking set at the store," she said to herself.

"Mom, I got an A on my test!" Lisa exclaimed, running into the kitchen. Marge ignored her, focusing on the frying pan.

"I swear, if this doesn't clean…" Marge trailed off.

"Mom?" Lisa questioned.

Marge continued to scrub, but to her dismay the pan still wasn't sparkling clean.

Lisa decided to give up, walking out disappointed. Bart laughed at her, seeing she was ignored. The little girl glared at her brother and headed up to her room, slamming her door shut.

Bart snuck in the kitchen seeing this was the perfect time, as his mother was occupied with her back turned. _I wonder what beer tastes like, _he thought, opening the fridge. He spotted the six pack of duff beer and wrestled one out. He chuckled, managing to get out of the kitchen as Marge screamed in frustration and threw the pan down.

The boy sat down on the couch, opening the can. On television, there was a scene which was showing a mouse blowing up a cat. Bart laughed joyfully. "Oh man that's too funny!" He then looked at the beer he was holding in his hand. He sniffed it. "Eck, don't smell so good…" he said, but started to drink it anyways.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

Please continue to R&R! Thanks!

Two hours later Bart sat on the couch, drunk as Homer can become at Moe's. "Uuuuggghhh! I don't feel so well," he said, slipping to the floor. His eyes watched the TV, though he could see 3 of them. He didn't know which one to watch.

"Lunch time!" their mother called from the kitchen. Lisa came down to her call, passing Bart on the way.

"Are you feeling okay Bart?" she asked, a little worried.

"Uuuuggghhh!" he moaned, burping at the end.

"Mom! Bart looks sick!" Lisa yelled. Their mother came running in.

"Oh Bart! Let's get you to your room," she said, carrying her son to his room upstairs.

Lisa was about to head into the kitchen again when she spotted a Duff beer can lying on the couch. She thought for a moment. _Did Bart drink this? Nah, it was probably Dad. Actually, where is Dad?_ She wondered.

Just then, Homer barged into the house, drunk as could be. "A lala…la…Christmas…" the drunk father sang and then passed out. Lisa sighed. Yeah, the beer can probably was Homer's.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Later that day, Bart came down from his room with a splitting headache. His dad was on the couch, watching TV.

"Hey Dad?" he asked. Homer sighed, hating to be interrupted while watching TV.

"What is it?"

"When you get drunk…do you feel sick at all?"

"Nope, only the next morning I do!" he said, chuckling.

"Oh…okay. Thanks dad," said Bart and went back upstairs.

_I kind of liked being drunk. I probably got sick only because it was my first time. My headache is going away. Should I try again?_ The 10 year old thought, looking in his mirror. "Let's do it!" he cheered, quickly making his way back downstairs. Bart crossed the family room again, but stopped.

"Hey Bart, do you know what happened to one of my beers? I had six…but now I have 3," Homer said. Bart turned around.

"That's because you drank 3 of them, dad,"

"But I only had…" he started, and started counting on his fingers. "two," he finished.

"Sorry dad, don't know what happened to that other one," Bart said and managed to leave. Marge was at the store, getting TV dinners for tomorrow. The ten year old opened the fridge and managed to get another beer without making a sound. Now how was he going to hide it from his dad? The answer came from a series of snores just starting then. Bart peeked in the family room seeing Homer dead asleep.

Bart sniggered and crept across the room with the beer can, and ran all the way to his room. He closed the door behind him. "Alright, here it goes!" he said, chugging the beer down.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Drinking half of it, Bart started dancing around drunk. "And the saints go marching…" he slurred. He then climbed on his bed and started jumping on it. "…and they go marching. Go saints…" As he jumped this time, he did a twirl and missed the bed, landing flat on his back. He groaned.

Hearing the ruckus, Lisa came in the room. "Bart! Are you okay??" she asked, coming to her 'sick' brother. She looked in his eyes.

"The wheel in the sky keeps on turning…." He attempted to sing.

"Eck! Bart! Your breath smells horrible!" Lisa commented, turning away. Bart only laughed and started looking for his can of beer, wanting to finish it.

Lisa took another close look at Bart. _Is Bart drunk??_ Lisa asked herself, seeing the signs of being drunk. She saw it enough in her dad to know them. _Oh my gosh, I think he really is drunk!_

Bart smiled. "Hey Lise, what's happenin'?"

Lisa looked at him shocked. "Bart! Stop drinking beer or Mom and dad will kill you!"

"Beer? Where?" the boy asked, looking around.

Lisa sighed. It was a lost hope with Bart being drunk. She decided to give him the lecture when he was more clear-headed. She got up and started to leave.

"Hey Lise?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you not…" he trailed off, belching at the end. Lisa had a feeling it was supposed to be a "don't rat me out'. She half smiled and left.

Bart continued to sit there and sing the rest of the night.

The next day Homer came rushing in the kitchen. "Food food food food??" he asked repeatedly, almost stepping on the cat.

"In a minute Homer," Marge said, almost done cooking the pancakes.

"Mom, what are we having for breakfast?" Lisa asked, sitting herself down at the table.

"Pancakes," Marge answered. "Bart! Come down and have breakfast!" the mother called.

Bart couldn't. He couldn't pull himself up. "Uuuugggghhhnh," he moaned. The boy laid on his bed, with a severe hangover. His head throbbed in pain and he felt like throwing up again.

"BART!" Marge called again. "Is he still sick?" the mother asked her family.

"Uh…yeah, I think so," Lisa said nervously.

"Oh. Then I'll just bring him his breakfast," Marge said.

Thinking there were probably beer cans around his room, Lisa piped in. "Oh no mom, I will," she offered.

"Oh could you?"

Lisa nodded and took the breakfast tray upstairs to Bart. "Hey Bart," she poked her head in.

"Hey Lise," Bart replied, half smiling. "Oh god, I am NEVER drinking again!"

"Good thing. Mom thinks you're still sick. Here's your breakfast," Lisa said, setting the tray on his bed. The two sat there in silence for awhile.

Bart coughed, and Lisa decided it was her time to take her leave. She started to head out.

"Hey Lise?" her brother called.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks sis, I owe you," he said. Lisa smiled and left.


End file.
